The Sneak Attack!!!

My wife and I have a awesome relationship. We started out as friends and ended up with 1 son and a daughter on the way. One of the greatest parts of being friends is that you can joke around, talk like friends, and then there's the hankey pankey This morning I got her good with what I call a "Sneak Attack", which I will explain below....

Usually she wakes up to the baby monitor and says,"Baby, Dylans awake", but this morning she keep sleeping and I woke up first. We had some kind of Bertolli linguine and garlic pasta thing last night and just like over 80% of america, garlic doesn't agree with me sometimes and give me the Farts. I was laying on my side and thought to my self, "Self, I have to Fart. Should I A) Fart and wake her up with my morning gas B) Do the classic Sneak a Cheek C) or do my Patent Pending, "Sneak Attack".....Hummm...." I slowly moved my rump under her blanket ( We sleep with separate blankets because she's pregnant and gets up allot to use the bathroom and is a blanket hog ). Within seconds I was in position to let loose my gas attack. Now, before I go on, we all know that this could have a funny outcome or a bad outcome and I want you all to know that I did consider both outcomes and was prepared for both possible situations happening ahead of time. Now then,.....on with the story.....I ripped the loudest, most foul possible garlic farts ever heard about 2 inches from her back. It probably felt like a horse breathing right on top of you. How loud was it? Well, it woke her up in a hurry and she wasn't happy She yelled,"Robbbb!!!!, your a A**hole!!" I said,"It wasn't me, it was the A**hole behind me!!

I got up and she is still sleeping right now. I don't think she minds the alarm clock when its compared to my thunderous, toxic gas The other day she got me with,"Hey honey, smell this, what does it smell like?" She cleaned up my sons diaper and had a little bit of remnants on her finger, so she decided on her way to the bathroom to wash her hands, she'd let me get a wiff. I wasn't happy...to say the least, so when she does get up and if she has anything to say about it, I'll just say,"Now we're even .